Clever Facebook/Twitter Statues

• Cholesterol: A fancy word for flavor.
• Roses are red , Violets are blue, we have NO mutual friends, so who the fuck are you?
• If you talk behind my back, you're in a perfect position to kiss my ass. 
• The awkward moment when you are on a bike and get hit by a car..... a parked one. 
• I'm not afraid of the dark. I'm just afraid of the ninjas that hide in the dark. 
• Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today? 
• If things doesn't go right, just go left.
• WHAT do u call a guy who is cute sensitive straight and respectful… A RUMOR!
• They say 5 out of 4 people have problems with fractions
• Some people just need a high five....in the face....WITH A CHAIR!
• If women ruled the world, there would be no wars. . . Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other.
• Do you behave like this at home?!" Yes, actually.
• I speak 3 languages fluently; Smartass, sarcasim, and profanity.
• Every time I see the word "Explain" on an exam, I die a little inside
• Sleep is my drug. My bed is my dealer. My alarm is the cops. School is the jail.
• I hate when cashiers say, "Is that everything?" Uh no I'd also like all this invisible crap.
• Whenever you are depressed just remember that you were once the fastest sperm cell.
• Boyfriends are like fires, they go out when left unattended! 
• Some people just need a hug... Around the neck. With my hands.
• You're not a slut? So... are you like, a volunteer prostitute?
• Oh really? You need space? You might as well join NASA
• I think the reason people take mirror pictures is to assure us all that they haven't yet turned into a vampire.
• Roses are red, Violets are blue, If you were a Pokemon, I'd choose you.
• I wonder if strippers have nightmares about accidentally going to work fully clothed.
• M.A.T.H - most evil thing from hell
• People say laughter is the medicine, you're face must be curing the world!
• We are good friends, but if the ZOMBIES chase us I'm tripping you
• Relationships are like fat people, most of them don't work out!
• You'd be in good shape if you ran as fast as your mouth.
• I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implants?"
• Bitch shut up, your vagina has been used more then google
• If all your boyfriend wants is breast, thigh, and legs. Then tell him to go to KFC and get a value meal (:
• When life gives you lemons... chuck them back and yell, " I wanted cookies".